Providing details and specifics naturally improves your credibility. People want to be recognized in a genuine, specific way. Bob would most likely enjoy the second statement because it is thoughtful and observant. Instead of saying, “I like your shoes”, try this: “Bob, those tan loafers go well with your khaki pants”. Tell others exactly what you like about them.
This type of compliment tells people in a straightforward manner what it is you appreciate about their behavior, appearance, and possessions." - Conversationally Speaking, page 23 "The most common way to express admiration is to deliver a direct positive. This dual perspective mindset initially benefits others and will normally reciprocate benefit to you. The quicker you arrive at a topic you both enjoy, the easier it is to continue conversation. Conversation requires engagement from two parties. Even still, you should always seek this mutual outcome. You may learn something new! Not every conversation will provide mutual benefit and not every conversation should provide mutual benefit. Practice humility and engage in their interests. If all the activities your conversation partner enjoys are boring to you, suck it up. If you despise theatre and investing, talk about golf. For instance, your acquaintance expresses his interest in golf, theatre, and investing to you.
Seek to benefit the other person and then look for mutual benefit. Here’s a practical way to accentuate a dual perspective… Ask the other person what activities interest him/her and find an activity you both enjoy. Humble people ask questions like, “How can I benefit this person?” or “How can I empathize with this person’s feelings?” People ought to consider their conversation partner’s interests and seek every way to cater your words to their betterment. Humility is to consider others better than yourself. Get a Dual Perspective "Having a dual perspective means thinking not just in terms of what you want to say and hear but also in terms of the other person’s interests." - Conversationally Speaking, page 9Ī dual perspective requires humility.
Conversationally Speaking is a book that translates academic and technical research in communication into a quite practical and relevant handbook for all those who seek to develop their conversation skills. The good news is that every person can learn and apply conversation skills to daily life.Īlan prefers to equip others through in-person workshops, but decided to capture conversation best practices into book-form.
#CONVERSATIONALLY SPEAKING ALAN GARNER HOW TO#
Few people know how to effectively formulate words and use appropriate nonverbals to communicate. However, I think the goal of interaction is mutual connection as opposed to making random and untimely noises. It’s easy to talk loosely and make noise. "I developed the Conversationally Speaking workshop and have written this book to fill in this gap and teach these skills in an interesting, straightforward, and nontechnical manner." - Conversationally Speaking, page 2Īlan Garner teaches ordinary people conversation skills.
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